Saturday, May 25, 2013
There's only so many words one can say. A writer, no matter how talented, profound and articulate, sometimes is left with no words to say. There are situations that leave broken bonds, recently-mended bonds, and stronger-than-ever bonds crying in a perfect unison of disbelief, desperation, and denial. A life, no matter how fully lived, leaves a hole when it's gone, and nobody can fill it up. The broken bonds, remain with the "why?" thoughts, the recently mended bonds remain with the "could-have-been" thoughts, the strong bonds remain with the "what if" thoughts and nothing is resolved, even if it really was. Because no matter how many things were resolved or unresolved, once the person's gone, everything feels unexplained. A person, no matter how caring is sometimes left with no one to hug. A person no matter how sentimental is sometimes left with no tear to drop, not because they run out, the tears don't come because you don't have them. There is no way of crying because you can't. While everyone else can. While everyone else sits around crying because it's so tragic, you sit there, just there, nonexistent, non-important, useless against nature, and not even a tear to spare. Till someone comes along and loosens the knot around your heart, makes you notice it's okay to cry when you most should, but those things come with love and patience. Until then, I'll just sit around with no words to say for the knot in my heart took over, no one to hug because I can't even look at myself without wondering what is wrong, and no tear to shed because there has never been tears in the most necessary moments, and it has always been like that.